How did you know you were ready to get engaged??
I think the "are we ready to get engaged" question is different for everyone. My husband and I were 22 and had been dating for a few months shy of a year and a half. We went to college in a town where neither of us was from and neither planned to live and my husband was about to graduate and move away.??Cheesy as it sounds, when you find the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, you just?know.?Something I think that was different for us than for most people these days is instead of making sure we were established in our careers, owned a home, etc, we decided we wanted to build our lives together. Now, we didn't just on a whim get married and think "well, someone will take care of us!" -we had the ability to make money and pay for our own way in life- but we wanted to head toward our "dream lives" together. Looking back on things now we can see how we both worked together to build what we have, and for us, that is really special.
Do you have any strategies to increase communication??
Communication is one thing 5ohHubby and I have been blessed to be skilled at in our marriage. We decided from day one we would always talk about everything. We ask each other before bed or in the morning what the day ahead of the other will look like and when we get together at night we ask about how the day went. My husband usually tells me as much as he can about his work day with details about his personal reactions to things. Even when me and my daughter stay home all day I still tell him what we did, what we played with, or other things that happened in our family. The hard part (for every relationship) is when you need to talk about something important or uncomfortable or *gasp* have a fight. Yes, its true, married couples argue. But the trick is to always fight fair. This means that in every argument we have we don't accuse or fight to "win", we argue to understand a situation and come to a decision for the direction we will go together. An amazing tool, both for arguments and just to communicate your feelings about a situation to your significant other is this dialogue guide. It is centered around how you feel with out accusing the other of anything.You just start with a behavior that is affecting you in someway and share with the other person how this makes you feel and what you'd like to do about it. The trick is to let the first person go ALL the way around the wheel before the next person has their turn.?For example you could start by saying "I notice you are on your phone a lot when we are together... I assume this means you are bored spending time with me...I wonder...." and so on.?To be fair and totally honest, in the beginning this wheel was spoken through clenched teeth with tight grips, but by the end of things it?always?helped us work things out.What surprised?you most about marriage? Honestly, I was surprised by how much work marriage can be. And I know everyone says that, so I'll get specific with you. First of all, I love love love being married. It is seriously so fun to be able to spend time with your best friend every day and share a life and grow a family together. BUT. No matter how good your relationship is, every day isn't sunshine and roses. There is work stress, family stress, medical stress, financial stress, stress of children and sometimes you're just not in a good mood. These can be things that last a day, a week, or even a few years. Relationships go in waves: there are valleys and peaks. Some days all I want is to spend time with my husband and laugh together and serve him... but some days things are just.. meh. The thing is, we made a commitment in front of God and our family to love and honor one another no matter what. And friends, love is a verb. For the times when it is hard for you to actively love your spouse I'd suggest The Love Dare
?by Alex Kendrick. It is great for actively loving your spouse regardless of the situation in your life.? Do you think having problems is a normal part of relationships??
If my last to answers haven't answered this question for you let me say "YES" I think problems are a normal part of relationships. However, I think what kind of problems and how you are handling them is very important. First of all, I think any abuse of any kind within your relationship is not ok in any way. If you are not married to the abuser then END THIS RELATIONSHIP. Immediately and without hesitation. If you are married to the abuser I would suggest talking with your pastor and a counselor about the proper and safest ?way to separate yourself from the situation.?
Aside from abuse, I think it is important to?realize?that having problems isn't bad, its how you handle them that is important. My husband and I have had problems but we always are working toward resolving them. I truly believe (and it is biblical) that in your relationship, the order of who you care about is: God, spouse, everyone else, yourself. So if both people in your relationship are putting God first and the other person second, you should be trying to work things out for the other person's benefit. Its great to know that I have someone who always is looking out for my best interest and I'm sure my husband feels the same.?Do you have any advice about gaining trust in a relationship once it's been broken?
This is something that I really struggle with, as someone who has had broken trust in every relationship I've had since I was a little girl- sometimes it's been my fault and sometimes it's been others. I would say, first and foremost, regardless of the situation true repentance and forgiveness is an absolute must. Saying sorry is just empty words unless there is action behind it. "I'm sorry about X situation, I behaved in X way and am sorry that I hurt you. I am willing to do X action in order to gain back your trust slowly. I realize YOU are the one who will determine when trust has been reestablished. " I know that if I broke 5ohHubby's trust there is nothing?he could ask me to do to gain it back that I wouldn't be willing to do (and obviously I know he has my best interest at heart and would never do something to humiliate me or gain revenge). An excellent and Godly example of true repentance and forgiveness can be found on Jami Nato's blog
What advice would you give to younger girls about dating/courting?
I would say first and foremost you need to respect yourself if you want respect from your man. This means sexual purity, not pretending to be ok with things you are not ok with, and being true to yourself. Secondly, I would remind you that anytime you are dating/courting that other person is on their best behavior. This is them trying to make a good impression on you. Do not think "oh, I can change him" or "Once we are married, surely he won't (fill in the blank)". You can't and he will. When I asked my husband how he knew he wanted to marry me (years ago) expecting something lovey dovey and romantic sentiment, he really shocked me. He told me "I thought about the most difficult day we had had together... and I thought if every day for the rest of our lives is that day would I still want to be with her as opposed to without her". Obviously, every day has not been the worst day.. but I think that's a really great perspective. If things were at their toughest, would you still be with this person. And finally, I would say that I would only date someone I had the intention of marrying. I would know what my list of non-negotiables was, ASK THEM what they think, and if it wasn't in line then we would just be friends. For me, my non-negotiables were that we were of the same faith, that we both wanted children, that we agreed on how we would raise them. An example of negotiables, for me, was where we would live and what we would do for a living. Just know what you want and don't settle for anything less.
Source: http://www.5ohwifey.com/2013/01/our-marriage-relationship-q.html
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